Peace! Be Still!

You never know when the rug is going to get pulled out from under you – it’s always unexpected.  Even if we were somehow given the foreknowledge to prepare for that event that is going to unravel the very fabric of our lives, sometimes it is so impactful that no amount of preparation would suffice.  I’ve heard Pastor Matt Chandler say often in his sermons “There isn’t a person in this room whose entire life couldn’t be changed with one phone call.”  It’s an absolutely terrifying thought – one that I’d rather not entertain, yet it is undoubtedly true.

For me, it happened in the fall of 2008 and again in the winter of 2009.  I had two family members pass away within a matter of a few months – one was a cousin and the other an uncle.  Both were unexpected and both were extremely difficult for me to handle. It was ironic because there was a time in college when I actually thought that the death of friends and family wouldn’t bother me.  “It’s just as natural as being born” I would say.  It’s not as natural as being born – it’s very, very different.  Even as I type these words, I still feel a tension in my body… an unsettling in my stomach.

I had experienced death before as a child with great grandparents, distant relatives, and friends of the family, but this time it was different.  This time it shook the foundations of my faith and what I thought I felt about life.  As time passed, the thoughts of what had occurred that fall and the following winter began to take root in my mind.  I soon began to develop anxiety accompanied by panic attacks.  My life slowly became a prisoner to fear – the people and places with which I was comfortable grew smaller and smaller.   My world slowly began to shrink and thus, I found myself in the midst of depression.  I was completely lost and my faith was left in shambles.

Heart pounding, paralyzing fear is hard to describe.  In my mind it looks like the ocean.  Actually, it looks like the ocean at night in the midst of a storm.  It’s deep and dark, a cold blue-gray hue.  The waves are immense and powerful…relentless.  The horizon disappears into the night sky, compounding the vast darkness – it’s inescapable and overwhelming.  For me it’s a picture, at times vividly alive in the depths of my soul, but for the disciples it was a very real experience.

Mark 4:35-41 tells the account of Jesus calming the storm.  Most of us know this story and I had heard it several times myself.  Briefly stated, one evening after Jesus was finished teaching at the shore of the Sea of Galilee, He ordered the disciples to ready the boats so that they could cross the sea.  After the boats were readied, they began to cross the sea and a windstorm blew in.  The waves crashed against the boat, threatening to capsize it and all the while Jesus lay sleeping on a cushion at the stern of the boat.  In their panic and fear, the disciples woke Jesus and asked “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?”  At this, Jesus awoke and rebuked the sea and said “Peace!  Be still!” and the waves calmed and the wind ceased.  Jesus then said to them “Why are you so afraid?  Have you still no faith?” and the disciples were filled with fear as they had surely witnessed the Divine, whom the laws of nature surrendered to.

The odd thing is, the analogy I used for the way I picture fear is how I’ve felt for some time now, but I never connected the two accounts in my head until a few days ago.  What hit me the hardest in rereading this story was when Jesus asked “Why are you so afraid?  Have you still no faith?”  The disciples, despite the fact that they were in the presence of Jesus were still afraid of perishing.  In their fear, they were even driven to the point of questioning, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?”  Is that what my fear really reveals – that my faith is small and I feel that God has forsaken me?  It’s not as though the disciples were better off than I being in the presence of Jesus, because Jesus Himself says that I am indwelt with the Holy Spirit which is greater than having Him by my side. 

At this point, I must stop and recollect all that He has brought me through thus far.  When I was 3, I walked across four lanes of traffic from the barbershop to my house by myself – made it home just fine.  In high school and college I drove home countless times while extremely intoxicated…never an accident.  In the summer of 2010, my wife and I were in a serious car wreck, both rear-ended and broadsided while we were at a stand still by vehicles traveling 60 mph – we both walked away with nothing but a few scratches.  It would be a hard stretch to say that God has forsaken me, so why am I still afraid?  Where is my faith?

James 1:2-4 says “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”  The truth is I have not been forsaken by God, but I am also not complete in my faith and sanctification.  However, a loving God does not simply make my life easier so that my happiness and comfort is secure, but rather He puts me through the trials of life which will render my faith genuine so that my salvation is assured.  The result, as my study Bible says, is “…steadfastness, a life of faithful endurance amid troubles and afflictions.”  This leads me ultimately to a growing perfection in my sanctification that will be fully realized on the day my Savior returns.  I’m filled with joy just at the thought of it.

I still am very much in the midst of my struggle with anxiety.  In fact, I am on medication to help keep it under control and I visit with a Christian counselor every other week to encourage and strengthen myself in Biblical truth.  I say that for anyone out there who is struggling with something like this.  It’s not abnormal, you’re not different.  It is life and life is not always easy.  Neither is the life of a believer any more easy than the life of a non-believer, however, there is a God whom is sovereign and “we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” – Romans 8:28.  What may appear like mountains to us are only light and momentary afflictions in the grand scheme of eternity – ones that God will use to draw His chosen closer to Him and ultimately to glorify Himself.  We must rest assured that in God’s purpose being fulfilled, He will be glorified in the salvation, justification, and sanctification of His elect no matter what the trials or circumstances may be.  As Christians, we should not pretend everything is fine, but rather encourage one another in our faith and dependency on God.  So, pray for me, my brothers and sisters, as I move through this season in my life, that God would calm the storms within and I will do the same for you.

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation.  But take heart; I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33.

Desiring God

I recently celebrated my 29th birthday. Normally, I don’t make a big deal about my birthday and, to be quite honest, I’ve forgotten about it the week of and even day of many times before. However, I will say that my wife has continued to do an exceptional job in celebrating and rejoicing on that particular day and I must admit it makes me feel special. My mother always sends me very endearing cards that assure me that she is proud of me and I am always humbled by this. This year, I even received flowers from one of my aunts – it’s the first time I’ve ever received flowers and I’m not ashamed to say that, even though I’m a man, it was very touching. I have a lot to be thankful for. My wife and I recently moved into our new home and we are very grateful for it. We both have safe, efficient, and reliable vehicles to drive. We are both blessed with good jobs that pay us fairly and have great benefits. We have clothes to wear, food in our pantry, and money to pay the bills – not to mention what’s left over for us to enjoy and give. We are healthy, our family is healthy, and our friends are well. It seems to me that this would be the appropriate time to say, as I have seen and heard so many times before: “God is good!”

But what exactly makes God good?  Is God good because He has blessed me with a wonderful, submissive, and Godly wife?  Is God good because He has given me a loving and supportive family?  Is God good because He has allowed me to acquire a new home, nice vehicles, and clothes for my back?  Is He good because I am not in poverty, nor wondering where my next meal will come from?  Is He good because my wife and I both have jobs and are financially secure?  Is God good because we are all alive and well?  What if none of these circumstances were the case – does God then cease to be good?  More importantly, if my measure of whether or not God is good is based off of what He has blessed me with, does that make God good or does that make His stuff good?  And if this is the case, then where do my affections really lie?  Please do not misunderstand me – I am not saying that any of those blessings are intrinsically bad in and of themselves, but rather I am posing the question: “Do I love and desire the Creator or do I love and desire creation?”

Not long ago I heard a sermon by Matt Chandler, Lead Pastor/Teaching Pastor for The Village Church.  As the basis for his sermon, he used the text from Romans 1:18-32 (i.e. God’s Wrath on Unrighteousness).  The text basically explains how God’s eternal power and divine nature is plain to all men via the creation, however, man in his unrighteousness and foolishness has suppressed this truth and exchanged the glory of God for creation itself.  In doing so, man has failed to value God above all else and thus, is guilty of idolatry.  Therefore, God in His passive wrath has given these men over to a debased mind in which they are consumed with various manners of sin.  Pastor Chandler went on to explain that what happens here is that rather than our affections for the creation rolling up and ultimately manifesting themselves in the praise and worship of God, they instead terminate on themselves and we glorify the created things rather than God Himself.  In doing so, we have taken what God has created and ordained ultimately to exemplify His glory and His magnificence and instead perverted it so that we worship what He created instead of the Creator.  Then, in our blind and foolish hearts, we continue to seek more and more of what was ultimately meant to glorify God and try to use it to satisfy our hearts and souls – a futile and hopeless endeavor.

To be honest, this was pretty difficult for me to swallow because I knew I was guilty of this very thing.  I hadn’t done it as much with the materialistic things as I had with my wife, my family, and the things that made me feel secure.  The truth was that my affections for my wife, my family, my friends, and even my livelihood were greater than my affections for God.  I didn’t understand it because I felt joy and comfort in those things and I assumed that my delight in them was somehow transferred into delight in God.  My confusion got worse before it got better.

I recently began reading a book by John Piper entitled Desiring God.  In this book Pastor Piper states “…God is uppermost in His own affections.”  His basis for this statement is biblical in the fact that, ultimately, God does everything to glorify and delight in Himself – this is the essence of His sovereignty.  From creation, to the fall, to redemption in Jesus Christ and ultimately reaching resolution in the restoration – it is all for His glory.  This was even more difficult for me to swallow because in my sinful nature I believed I was uppermost in God’s affections.  Isn’t that why God would bless me with all these things…because I am what is most important to Him?  Is my happiness not consistently at the very forefront of His mind?  As Pastor Piper revealed the next magnificent truth, I realized what I had been missing.  All along I had placed such value in the things God had blessed me with because they brought me joy and happiness.  I was so confused by not being the center of God’s affections because I thought His whole plan revolved around me being secure and content.  All this time, I’d been consumed with my own pleasure and I thought God was too.  But here is the kicker – it is not wrong for me to seek out pleasure, however, in seeking out pleasure in the creation I am destined to fail.  Then I read the words which have begun to completely transform the way I view God: “God’s quest to be glorified and our quest to be satisfied reach their goal in this one experience: our delight in God, which overflows into praise.” 

 
God is at the center of His own affections because He seeks to glorify Himself in His magnificence, His power, His sovereignty, His love, and ultimately the praises of His people.  Therefore, in being uppermost in His own affections, He has given us the perfect thing to seek pleasure in…Himself.  Our attempts to find contentment in the creation are futile because the creation was always meant to glorify God – the one true source of joy, pleasure, and peace.  I’m still reading through the book and frankly, my attempt to explain this was subpar at best.  However, I would encourage you to read through the passage in Romans, honestly evaluate where your affections lie, and pick up a copy of Desiring God – it’s worth the read.

Grace and Mercy

My wife and I recently began attending a new church – to be more precise, a “church plant” that is seeking to officially launch sometime at the beginning of next year.  As part of the “launch team” we are encouraged to attend one of the church plant’s Gospel Community Groups – a smaller group that meets twice a month to fellowship, grow in our understanding of the Gospel, and share our life experiences with one another.  These smaller groups have been instrumental in creating “community” amongst the church body and cultivating our growth as Christians.  Currently, we are going through a series called Gospel in Life by Timothy Keller.  Our last lesson focused on generosity towards our neighbor and how God’s grace serves as a catalyst to have mercy on those in need – it was a deeply moving lesson and discussion.  However, two of the scriptures used in the lesson really got me thinking about how God’s grace and mercy towards me should manifest itself not only in my generosity towards others, but also in my unconditional love and forgiveness towards others.  Let’s start off with a brief overview on grace.

I should preface this with the fact that I am not attempting to define the specific theological positions of our church plant – it is not my place to do so, however, I simply wish to outline our beliefs as I understand them.  Our church plant is considered “reformed” in its theology indicating that our beliefs are rooted in the Protestant Reformation which, generally speaking, upholds the absolute authority of Scripture, the sovereignty of God, and salvation by grace through faith in Christ alone.  Reformed theology was prominently influenced by French theologian John Calvin and its doctrine on salvation can be summarized by the Five Points of Calvinism, also known as the doctrines of grace.  In a nutshell, the Five Points of Calvinism attempt to explain God’s sovereign grace in relation to our salvation.  Briefly stated, in our completely sinful nature we are unable to choose to follow God and, therefore, God has predestined whom He will save unto His glory based on no merit of our own, has drawn us to believe in Christ through His irresistible grace, has paid the price for our sin and thus secured and assured our salvation.  Completely absent and irrelevant are our own good deeds, morals, character, or any other factor by which we think we may merit salvation – it is all dependent on God’s grace manifested through His mercy.  Seriously consider that for a moment – it is all dependent on God’s grace.  We can take no credit for our salvation.

In Matthew 18:21-35, Jesus tells the parable of The Unforgiving Servant.  To paraphrase, in the parable a king is seeking to settle debts with his servants.  One servant owed the king 10,000 talents (1 talent = 20 years’ wages) – an impossible debt to repay.  Since he could not pay, the master ordered as punishment that he be sold with his wife, children, and all that he owned.  After pleading with the king, the king released the servant and forgave him his debt.  Immediately following this, the servant went out and found a fellow servant whom owed him 100 denarii (20 weeks’ wages).  Choking him, the servant demanded that he be repaid, sending his fellow servant to prison until he could do so.  Upon receiving word of this, the king summoned the servant, chastising him because he had been forgiven of his debt, yet had failed to have mercy on his fellow servant.  The king then ordered that the servant be imprisoned until he could repay his debt – which would never occur.  Jesus concludes the parable by stating that “also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

As I considered the meaning of the parable, I was deeply convicted.  The crux of it is this – God in His mercy and grace has forgiven us our great debt and provided atonement in Jesus Christ.  My sin was that impossible debt and God provided payment for it because I could not.  The thought of God’s grace has only begun to permeate my mind and heart and I am just beginning to experience the overwhelming love that is revealed in His mercy.  As this has been revealed to me, I now understand how wrong it is of me to deny someone else that same mercy that I have been shown by God – to deny forgiveness though I have been forgiven and to withhold love although Christ has loved me.  Jesus calls us to forgive our brother from our heart and even to love our enemies showing the mercy our Father has shown us (Luke 6:32-36).  This can only be done by a heart that has been transformed by God through the realization of who we are and what He has done for us.  I am the same sinner that my brother is, no better than he is, and just as guilty as he is.  The study notes in my Bible said it well – “A transformed heart must result in a changed life that offers the same mercy and forgiveness as has been received from God.  Someone who does not grant forgiveness to others shows that his own heart has not experienced God’s forgiveness.”

I pray that God would allow us to experience His forgiveness to the depths of our heart.  I pray that we would forgive those who have wronged us, harmed us, or wished ill will against us.  I pray that we would love our enemies and fellow brothers and sisters, despite any differences between us – that God would renew our minds and transform our hearts.     

If you are in New Braunfels or the surrounding area and are seeking a Gospel-centered church, I invite you to visit Church Plant New Braunfels.  It is a strong community of believers with the mission of advancing the Gospel in our lives and in our city for the fame of Jesus Christ.

The Least of These

The topic of this entry is something I knew I wanted to write about when I started the blog – it was one of the many messages that I felt people, more specifically professed Christians, needed to hear.  However, I knew that this entry would have the serious potential to be received in a manner other than intended and, therefore, I wanted to be very careful in its delivery.  Specifically, because as I clearly stated in the very first post, this blog isn’t about me, it’s about glorifying God – that’s the only thing it’s about.

So let me preface this with a scripture that instantly came to mind when I decided to write this post:

Matthew 6:1-4

"Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.  Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others.  Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.  But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret.  And your Father who sees in secret will reward you”.

Whatever good deeds I have done, I have only done so because I have been given the resources, the heart, the motivation, the desire, and the will to do so by God.  If left up to my own carnal instinct, I would solely seek to satisfy myself and ensure my own well-being.  I know this to be a fact because before God came into my life, I had absolutely no interest in caring for the well-being of my earthly brothers and sisters.  Whenever I came into the good fortune of having extra money, I spent it on myself and the things that I desired – it was an opportunity for me to upgrade my lifestyle rather than seek to help others.  I am grateful that God has worked in my life to shape me into a vessel that seeks to carry out His will, but please understand that I am not justified by my good deeds, nor do I merit any praise for them.  If not for God, I would be the same selfish person I’d always been – praise should be given to Him for manifesting Himself in my life, thus revealing His magnificent glory.

That being said, I would like to introduce you to Moises De Jesus Narvaez Sanchez.  Moises is a young child I began sponsoring through Compassion International a little more than 2 years ago.  He lives in Colombia, outside the city of Barranquilla.  In October of this year, he will turn 7 years old.  Moises lives with his mother whom works various jobs to support their family, which includes some extended relatives – his father is not present.  To help care for the family, Moises is responsible for cleaning and running errands.  He enjoys going to the beach and playing soccer. 

In Moises’ community there are approximately 15,000 residents, most of whom work as street vendors and earn roughly $75 per month ($2.53/day).  The typical family lives in a dwelling with a cement floor, brick walls, and a metal roof.  Thankfully, they do have electricity and telephone service; however, they are faced with health issues such as malnutrition, various skin diseases, respiratory infections and diarrhea – due to the region’s lack of clean drinking water and functional sewage systems.  The area is desperately in need of more public schools, employment opportunities, and health services.

Normally, I do not share the good deeds that God, through His Spirit, has given me the chance to do.  To me, they are unique moments that I am able to share between Him, myself, and the person(s) I am able to bless.  It’s like a special little secret between God and I –an opportunity I am most grateful for.  However, I do feel the need to stress that, as Christians, our faith should not simply stop with our belief in God, but it should manifest itself in our lives.  In no way do our good deeds justify us before God – we are justified through our faith in Christ alone, however, our faith should be made clear through our actions and the pursuit of a life that is more Christ-like.  Jesus’ lifestyle shows that He did not come to the Earth to exalt Himself, but rather to serve mankind, even to the point of the ultimate sacrifice (Matthew 20:28).  Therefore, if in calling ourselves Christians, should not our lives display self-sacrifice and generosity towards others so that Christ might be manifested and glorified in us?  I see too many Christians whose faith is simply self-serving – the product of a man-centered theology that promotes the belief that God is here simply to better our lives and lifestyles.

I was able to go on vacation this week with my family, and I am very thankful for that.  I cherished the fellowship and the time spent both with relatives and my wife enjoying God’s beautiful creation.  However, I could not help my mind from wandering repeatedly back to an article I read about the famine in Somolia (news link).  The article states that it is estimated that over 29,000 children under the age of 5 have died in Somolia over the past 90 days due to drought and famine – 29,000 in 90 days!  I can hear friends and family in my mind hypothetically justifying my vacation – “You work hard, you deserve some time off” or “You can’t help everyone”.  What if it was your family that was dying from malnutrition?  Would you rather I took a vacation or would you want me to support relief efforts?  I say this not to guilt you, or myself for that matter, into giving more, but rather in the hope that both you and I would ask God to move within our hearts and shift our focus to the needs of others. 

Matthew 25:34-40 says: Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.'  Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink?  And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?  And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?'  And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'  I pray that in His mercy and grace Christ would compel us to serve those around us, that we may be counted as one of the righteous.  I pray that we may be convicted by the Holy Spirit and we would seek to acquire less for ourselves and open our eyes to the poor and downtrodden that are among us.

I would be most humbled and grateful if this inspires you to support any organization that aims to relieve those in poverty, however, I ask that you would consider supporting one that not only aims to help those in need, but also seeks to proclaim the Gospel.

The One Who Humbles Himself Will Be Exalted

The way in which we come to know God and are saved is such a mysterious and complex process.  Without delving too far into doctrine, the Bible is explicit in stating both that God has predestined us to salvation (Romans 8:29-30) and that we must also exercise belief in Jesus Christ as our personal Savior in order to be saved (John 3:16).  Even still, in our depravity, we are unable to respond to God’s calling or believe in Jesus on our own accord and, therefore, our election to salvation is based on no inherent qualities of our own – it is unconditional and was predetermined by God in eternity past (Ephesians 1:3-6).  How we are both predestined and must choose is a mystery to me, but we know this to be true based on the inerrant Word of God and that, in His will, it all makes perfect sense.  One thing that is neither mysterious nor complex, but completely obvious, is that we are saved by mercy (an act of kindness or compassion) and grace (unmerited favor) – this, I love.  There is no other god I’d rather worship than one who has saved me based on His love, compassion, and sovereignty alone and there is no other person I’d rather be than one who is completely undeserving of it – it puts things in the right perspective.

In light of that unbelievable, yet undeniable truth, how is it then that our flesh still seeks to exalt itself in self-righteousness?  Let’s have an honest moment of self-reflection:  for most of us, the minute someone questions our character, integrity, or judgment we immediately become defensive – we are so assured of ourselves and the lifestyles we lead.  From believers to unbelievers alike, none of us seem to escape this pitfall.  It is astonishing and frightening to see how many of us have allowed ourselves to live in such arrogance and disillusion, as if we have no need for a savior.  Some of us think that by our own good deeds we merit or have earned our way to heaven – although this is impossible (Galatians 2:15-16).  Others of us justify ourselves based on our own flawed morals and standards, ignoring the fact that we are held accountable to God’s standards.  Even worse, there are those of us who live in outright, deliberate, defiance of God’s commands with no regard for His authority or judgment.  We’ve come to a day and age where we’ve justified our sin and live in it out in the open with no shame whatsoever – we have declared ourselves righteous according to our own desires and will (Romans 1:28-32). 

How then, does this self-righteousness distort our ego, our compassion, our humility, our self-perception, our honesty, and our love towards one another?  Of greatest concern is how does this change our view of ourselves in relation to God?  Do we love God?  Do we desire God?  Do we obey or understand our need for God?  Or, have we gotten to the point that we don’t even acknowledge God?  It is obvious then that our self-perception is naturally corrupted and therefore the question cannot be how do I feel about my lifestyle, but rather what does the Bible say about my fallen nature?  Without a Biblical context, we will undoubtedly come to the wrong conclusion of who we really are and this allows us to perpetuate our self-righteousness and forfeit the true gift of God.

In Luke 18:9-14 Jesus tells the parable of “The Pharisee and the Tax Collector”.  The parable is basically about how two men approach God in prayer – the Pharisee boastful in his own self-confidence and the Tax Collector mindful of his sin and seeking God’s mercy.  The Pharisee in his self-righteousness was completely blinded to his true sinful nature and the Tax Collector, truthfully self-aware, acknowledged his need for God’s mercy.  The truth is, until our eyes are opened by the Holy Spirit to the true nature of our depravity, we are just like the Pharisee – lost in our own arrogance.  In living this way, we will never comprehend our true need for Jesus.  However, once the Spirit of God has revealed to us who we really are, we then see the hopelessness that is lived in a life without a Savior.  We are sinners that deserve nothing short of God’s wrath for living in outright disobedience to Him – but what a loving God that paid the price for us in Jesus Christ that we sinners might be saved.  If we really want to know God, we must lay our self-righteousness aside, come to terms with who we really are, and discover the love of a God who sacrificed Himself for us while we stood as enemies of the cross (Romans 5:6-11).

Finding the Way

I’d always thought I was a good person – at least “relatively good”.  Growing up I felt I had a deeply ingrained moral compass – although I didn’t always bother to consult it – and in general, I was not a malicious or hateful individual.  I would even go so far as to say that most people I grew up with would have considered me of sound character.  I was raised in church, “saved and baptized” when I was in elementary school, and grew up my whole life with the awareness of God.  I did fairly well in school, went to college, and considered myself to be part of the “good crowd” – the ones that were “doing something with their lives”.  I was also an exceptional liar.  So well in fact, that I had convinced myself that being “relatively good” actually meant something and that an awareness of God was somehow equivalent to having a relationship with God and being submissive to Him.  I was completely blind to who I really was and totally unaware of it.

The truth is I was a selfish, rebellious, egotistical, arrogant, vain, sinful, and defiant human being.  If there was one person I cared about throughout high school and college, it was myself.  I was completely enamored with being part of the popular crowd – the clothes, the cars, the parties, dating the right girls.  I was no victim of peer pressure either…I was right there in the middle of it all.  I loved to drink and I loved to have a good time.  I remember boasting, so ignorantly in retrospect, about some of the parties we used to have.  It’s amazing how small your worldview is when you’re young – I was such a fool and, to be honest, I’m ashamed of who I was.  I remember being drunk and having theological arguments about God and religion – as if I cared about anything else other than being right.  Can you imagine what God must have thought watching me completely intoxicated, in defiance of one of His commands mind you, arguing about what I thought I knew about Him?  I didn’t know God and the truth was I didn’t care about God.  Everything about me was tainted by sin.  Even in relationships, where I thought I was actually capable of loving and caring about another human being, I was only concerned with myself.  I was never capable of loving another individual more than myself and, because of that, I treated a lot of young women in ways that I know God was disappointed with…in ways that I am disappointed with.

In the later years of college, I used to have this feeling of being lost.  It was as though I didn’t know where exactly “home” was, I just knew I wasn’t there.  I began to struggle with guilt and loneliness.  Looking back, I realize now that God was beginning to work in my life.  It wasn’t as though I found Him, because He was never lost – I was, but He began to draw me to Him.   That very fact has humbled me to my core, has begun to mortify my pride, and has brought me to tears more than once.  John 6:44 says “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him” and it’s true.  I was so lost in the depths of my own sinfulness that God had to reach in and save me – by no merit of my own, but out of an overwhelming grace and mercy.  Around that time I met my future wife and God began to slowly put things in place to accomplish His will in my life. 

A few years later my wife and I were driving home from San Antonio; it was dark and she was asleep in the passenger’s seat.  I sat there thinking as I drove about who I used to be and how my life had begun to change.  I was now playing in the worship group at our church – quite the different scene from my days in college.  As I thought about all the circumstances and events that had to happen in order to get me from where I used to be to where I was, I began to feel this overwhelming sensation that I had not journeyed there on my own, but I was brought there by divine purpose.  All along God had orchestrated the events of my life up until then to bring me to Him, right to that very point, and I knew he was offering me the gift of life.  Right then, I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior – the perfect sacrifice that paid for my sin in full so that I might spend eternity with Him and glorify His name.

In Luke 7:41-43 Jesus tells the following parable – "A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty.  When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both.  Now which of them will love him more?"  Simon answered, "The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt." And he (Jesus) said to him (Simon), "You have judged rightly".  I think most of us walk through life in denial of who we really are.  We count ourselves as “relatively good” and therefore perceive that our debt (sin) is small and that diminishes Jesus and His sacrifice on the cross.  Once we begin to know God and are convicted of our true sinful nature, we then realize the great magnitude of our debt.  The Bible says the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23) and it also says that all of us are sinful (Romans 3:10-18).  The only way we could repay that debt is an eternity spent in hell.  However, Jesus has paid our great debt and once we can understand the enormity of the debt cancelled, we can truly accept God’s gift of eternal life, love Him as we should, and recognize the immeasurable significance of the cross.

Why Me? Why Now?

I’ve never considered blogging before.  After all, why would I?  To your typical person, I would appear to have an average life – no fancy career, no inordinate amount of wealth, no adventurous travels, and no booming social life – nothing.  There are almost 7 billion people on this earth and I can promise you that many of them are more interesting, more intelligent, more cultured, and more experienced than I.  It would appear that most people blog to share their life experiences and while I do have personal experiences of my own, none of them are inherently any more or less significant than anyone else’s.  So is there any good reason for me to blog about myself?  No.  Is there any reason why anyone should be interested in reading a blog about me.  Absolutely not.

My existence in and of itself does not merit any recognition or special attention, however, the reason that I exist does.  I think many of us often mistake life as some sort of series of events or circumstances that interact within a narrative about ourselves.  I’ve recognized that my being is not an account of my life, but rather part of a story about something, more specifically someone, greater than I.  In the past few years my eyes have been opened to this greater reality that is occurring all around us.  It is a story of love, generosity, rebellion, brokenness, mercy, hope, justice, redemption, and grace.  It is a story that points to and revolves around one person – Jesus Christ.  Romans 11:36

I have no interest in writing about me for the sake of my own fulfillment.  What I do have an interest in is sharing with you how God has revealed Himself to me and how this has completely transformed my life for His glory.  This does require me to share my own personal insight and experiences, but it is my sincere hope that it will always point back to God.  I am simply a vessel – one that seeks to share the Gospel.